Buffy the Mary Sue Slayer
by RUGoing2writethat
Summary: Buffy Summers is the slayer, not of Vampires, but of a species far more insidious - the Mary Sue. Faith encounters the most powerful Mary Sue of all. Parody


**Buffy, the Mary-Sue Slayer – In this short piece, Buffy Summers is a slayer, not of vampires or demons or devils or other things. Oh no, she is the slayer of something far more dangerous, the Mary Sue. In this fic, the Mary Sue feeds off the beauty, youth, charm, and charisma of other females (or males in the case of the Gary Stu, Marty Stu, or other types of Stu's). The Peggy Sue is a less powerful form of the Mary Sue. This chronicles the slaying of the most dangerous Mary Sue of All. Oh and this involves Faith, also a Mary Sue Slayer because this Mary Sue is too powerful for just one slayer, even the Alpha Slayer as I like to call Buffy, to take on alone. **

Faith was stalking…er walking down the hallways of the abandoned hotel. She could sense the creature within. It had taken her a few minutes to remove the boards from the back door but she couldn't alert the creature to her presence.

Once she got to the third floor she stumbled across the creature, feeding. Poor poor woman, whoever she was. She was fortunate and unfortunate. If she got to the creature in time and killed it, the woman would be restored; if not, the woman would die.

As she approached the door she heard funny noises…was that music? Was that…Simple Plan? That was weird. Most Mary Sues liked quiet when they fed. She ducked down, getting a feeling of unease. What if this was a spawning ground or a nest for multiple Mary Sues. Of course that was unlikely because Mary Sues did not get along with each other. They barely got along with Gary Stu or Peggy Sue or any of the other Sue species. Then she saw the creature, it was wearing fishnet stockings, long black boots, a black mini-skirt, and black top with long black hair with purple and red streaks.

No!

It couldn't be!

She slowly closed the door, she slowly backed down the Hall and once she got to the stairs she turned and ran down them as fast as she possibly could without falling.

It was one of the most horrifying Sues of all time. The Ebony Sue!

She could not take it on by herself. An Ebony Sue was one of the most powerful and dangerous Mary Sue Species of all. They could defeat a slayer single handedly and feed off them. Normally, a Slayer was immune to a Mary Sue's power but not an Ebony Sue; they had some way of making the slayer vulnerable. Faith wasn't sure, but she suspected it was the fishnets; they were some form of extra feeding mechanism. Or perhaps the music they used enhanced their powers or it could even be their horrible language which was barely comprehensible.

She found her jeep and barely managed to get the keys in the door. She started the jeep when she noticed lights were coming on in the hotel. Uh oh. This might be a nest after all. Even though the Mary Sues did not get along, the Ebony Sue often surrounded itself with Peggy Sues, Gary Stus, Marty Stus, Relationship Stus, Lemon Stus, and other various weaker characters, presumably as cannon fodder for slayers. She drove as fast as she could to the HQ. She banged on the doors to the library, hoping that Giles was still in, hoping harder that Buffy would be there. She was rewarded with both of them being there. She ran in, slammed the door, rushed over, picked up a table, slammed it against the door and proceeded to run into Giles's office.

Giles and Buffy shared a look. Something had scared Faith and that could not be good. Faith was kind of stupid when it came to things she _should _fear, meaning she didn't have a normal fear response.

Giles approached his office. "Faith," he called out to her, getting her to stick her head out, grab him and pull him inside. Buffy approached the door when Faith reached out and grabbed her and pulled her inside the office as well.

"What is going on?" asked Buffy.

"There is…I was hunting. I found an abandoned Hotel down on 86, just outside the city. I got a tingling that something was in there. I figured it was a Mary Sue, so I figured I'd go in for a quick stake and get out. It wasn't a Mary Sue."

"What was it?" asked Giles.

"It was wearing fishnet stockings, black and listening to Simple Plan…"

Buffy paled. She glanced at Giles who looked like he was going to throw up. "An Ebony Sue. She's back. What was she doing?"

"She was feeding, why?"

"Ebony Sues don't feed the normal way a Mary Sue or Peggy Sue or others of their species feed. They feed by first draining the intellect of their prey, then they change them into a twisted Mary-Sue version of themselves, and then they feed on the negative psychic energies. Sometimes, they feed off of other Mary Sues or Peggy Sues, or even Gary Stu's. They are rarely alone and if there is one, there are usually some weaker Mary Sues around. They are the ultimate Mary Sue Alpha, and can turn a person's mind to mush within seconds."

"What do we do? How do we defeat it?"

"We don't. We can only drive it away with preppy music, or elevator music. There is almost no way to kill any Ebony Sue as they will always regenerate. The best we can hope for is to offer it a peace offering."

"A peace offering?"

"Yes, we'll go and kidnap a few of the Local Gary Stus that work for Spike and offer them up to the thing. Hopefully, she will take them and leave Sunnydale in peace, before she establishes a nest and starts converting people into her food stock."

So they rounded up a few of the Local Gary Stus, luring them away from their hideout with promises of steaks and beautiful women. Once they got to the hotel, they bound the Gary Stus and threw them at the door, yelling loudly, "Oh wonderful Goffik Ebony, please accept these offerings now given unto thee and leave us poor posers and preps in peace," Buffy incanted the standard Gary Stu offering chant.

The lights in the hotel came on all at once and a head with black hair with purple and red streaks could be seen in one of the windows. They turned around and there was a crash and the Gary Stus were gone.

"Ur ooferingz is exceptable. I will lave you pozers and prepz in peas," came a screeching voice from the hotel.

The next day they found that the hotel had been abandoned and there was no trace of the Ebony Sue, except for its last victim, an ugly old homeless woman that rambled on and on about posers and preps. They took the poor homeless woman to a local charity nursing home, where she later died in peace. The Ebony Sue would not return but rumors spread about her being spotted at an old castle in Scotland.


End file.
